Thursday, June 25, Second Chemo

I was disappointed and frustrated today. I went for my second chemo treatment this morning. I felt so positive and well after just finishing an antibiotic yesterday to ward off possible infection. But when I gave my blood work, my white blood cell count was low. The chemo wipes out your blood cells and the hope is that the time between treatments is long enough for them to recover. Because my count was so low today, I couldn’t receive the chemo. Instead, the doctor gave me a drug to help stimulate my bone marrow so new cells will grow. It is an injection I, or someone else, gives me once a day in my stomach for five days. After that, hopefully I can have the chemo treatment next Friday. Disappointed. Frustrated. I’m disappointed and frustrated that I am already experiencing these problems- I wasn’t expecting difficulties this early in the treatment. I’m disappointed that every missed treatment means this will be in my life longer. I’m frustrated that there is nothing I can do in my diet or with resting that can help boost my cells.
I do feel disappointed and frustrated. It’s not that I don’t feel these things. But I trust God so much; I know He already knows all of the outcome. He is never surprised. I don’t know everything (or anything mostly). I can’t just surrender parts of my life to Him. He deserves it all and will take care of it all. I’m thankful He knows everything, knowing how much He loves me. It makes me feel better.