As we enter Holy Week, I thought I would share a bit of my own experience with Lent this year. Even with a short time left, it’s worthwhile to think again about what we do and why we do it as we approach Easter. Traditionally for me, Lent is a time to dedicate a little more time to God and to deepen my relationship with Him in preparation for Easter and the glory of the Resurrection. It’s the most joyful season of the year- approaching the day when the fullness of Jesus’ life and purpose was finally realized. The glory and vastness of Easter also highlights our own human weaknesses and the deep realization that we need a God to redeem us. This isn’t a ‘Wow, I’m nothing’ kind of thing, but a humbleness and reverence for the Power that Overcomes All. This is why I think Lent is meant to be a time of introspection of how our own sins separate us from God and how we can draw closer to God, who is alive and well in us. Lent usually involves three components to help us become more aware of ourselves and our intentions: prayer, fasting and alms-giving or giving to the poor. I try and choose something to do in each one of these areas to focus on.
So, a few weeks before Ash Wednesday, I started to think about these and the first question that came to my mind was, ‘What am I going to give up?’ Chocolate, TV, sugar. Pray more, go to church more. Give something away. This seems the typical question I ask myself and it seems, most people ask themselves. “What am I going to give up?” So, with the same question as always, I started to give up the same, typical things. This year, I decided to give up second-helpings, spend more time in prayer, and go through my closet to give away a bag of clothes.
Somewhere though, in the last few weeks, I started to feel uneasy about these. All of them, in and of themselves, are ok; they’re good things that maybe we should be trying to do. But, in thinking about these, struggling to do these, and being mindful as I go, as the initial weeks went by, two other questions entered my mind and have taken root there.
The first question that came is: “Why am I really doing this?” If I’m honest about it, it’s still largely about me. ‘Oh, this is a great time to lose weight, or get healthier, or finally get rid of the clothes I don’t ever wear anyway.’ Even praying more or going to church- they’re largely about the set of religious rules I’ve constructed that make me feel better about myself when I’ve fulfilled them. Most times, doing these things feels pretty empty, and they’re more difficult to do because I usually forgot why I am doing it. It became more of a rule than something I had actually freely CHOSEN to do.
The problem with all of these, without the proper motivation of the heart, is that they rarely fulfill what God really wants from us- to be closer to Him. Not eating the chocolate, but eating the vanilla, rarely increases my love for God. I don’t take the time to reflect more on God during that time of fasting, or giving or praying. It just makes me feel better to say that I’m ‘doing’ something for Lent. The other reality is that in answering the question, ‘What am I going to give up?’, I chose things that really don’t hurt me one bit. I put a little more on my plate the first time around and when sorting those clothes, really, I gave away the ones I never wear or don’t fit.
What is the motivation of our hearts in doing the things we do to please God and to serve others?
Tomorrow... The second question....
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